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Evening gang
Hope everyone is going okay.
Like many you of reading this, the MS journey over recent months has been hard but tonight I feel like there's good vibes in my legs which I'm taking as confirmation that I'm slowly recovering from my relapse in October last year.

For those not familiar with my story, I had claimed recovery back in 2014 after developing MS in May 2011. I felt I'd been truly blessed to be given a second chance and thoroughly enjoyed my new lease of life. I was symptom free except for minor sensory symptoms in my feet and played golf, tennis, swimming, gardening, participated in community, social, and work groups.

My health came crashing down when I started to believe what all those around me were saying that, despite brain and spinal lesions and positive oligoclonal band result, I was somehow mis-diagnosed. So I questioned myself, why did I need to comply with the strict OMS program? People would say all too often to me surely you could just have a little bit of this and that. I believed the lie. So from December 2018 to August 2019 I abandoned OMS for first time since 2011 and rediscovered eating chips, chocolate, chops, cheese and more. The relapse came and I couldn't walk the golf course any more, I had to give up the social tennis competition, but most distressingly for a week I had to use a wheelie walker to get around work. I can't tell you how guilty and angry I felt inside.

It's been one heck of climb back. I can't believe how debilitating this 'hidden' disease is: 'oh but you look so good' people say, well yeah, piss off! I have MS symptoms 24/7 and I don't like it - the leg weakness, the cognitive issues, loss of memory, the fatigue, and sadly, the dark thoughts.

The first step was to deal with the shock, the grief for my old self, the anger, the guilt - I had to release it all through my daily meditations. At the same time I had to try hard not to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for myself like so many others diagnosed with a chronic health condition.

My physical MS pattern is that every couple of weeks the weakness hits causing me to limp and my voice stutters as I try to express simple ideas. Work stress or any stress exacerbates this. I just feel bloody awful. Even though our symptoms may be different, I recognise that you all know these struggles intimately and may we draw strength together in knowing that as faithful followers of OMS we have the winning strategy to overcome this battle.

I'm not giving up, no way! I've been clinging to my faith in God and in the program - the evidence that it works, the proof that it worked last time and that I may once again be given yet another chance if I stay faithful. It has absolutely been two steps forward one step backwards, some time two..

However, tonight I feel slightly different. I got up off the couch to walk to the kitchen and I felt an unusual strength to my legs that caused me to say out loud to my wife that I think my recovery is happening again. I remember well last time how slowly it seemed at first and then it seemed to gather pace. It's as if I've been at the bottom of the last big dip on a death defying roller coaster and slowly climbing, climbing, climbing my way to the top. I've now reached that point where the gravity pulling me back is about to dissipate and for a bit I'm weightless looking forward to the imminent arrival of momentum that is about to kick in and shunt me forward once more on to a gentle and pleasant downhill run home. It is an exhilarating and motivating thought but one which I am hopeful will materialise as long as I stay faithful.

Good health to all.

Developed 5 May 2011, Diagnosed 4 Aug 2011, OMS 15 Sept 2011, Gluten-Free 22 February 2012, Recovery declaration 2 September 2014, Relapse 14 October 2019, Recovery declared again 1 November 2020.
Hello Tingletingle,

I'm glad to hear that you are responding positively and see improvements - great news!

You express yourself very well and should always remember that you are capable of it when you get a little bit tongue-tied. The same happens to me in some situations, so it is always important to remember what you're capable of.

I have found the most difficult aspect of my situation is the confidence, ability to formulate thought, energy drain and the subsequent effects it is having on me at any given time. I always remember that and try to perk myself up when I feel the onset.

Anyway, great news that you're healing after your relapse well, long may it continue.

Keep well
Thanks for your words Camaban

Yes, that's good advice. It's such a mental disease isn't it?
Having the firm mental picture of our capability and taking a breath can really yield great results.

There are times when I go for a walk with my wife and to start with I'm wobbling about all over the place but then then when I concentrate and focus it all comes together eventually.

My chiropractor says he's noticed that it take longer than average for the message to go from my brain to my feet, but it still gets there eventually.

I celebrated the good feeling in my legs the other day by doing and extra 1.5 laps of the walking track which took me up to a total of 3 km. It is such a fine line between doing too much and too little. It did take me a day or two to get over this milestone but nevertheless it represents good progress.

Happy Friday everyone!

Developed 5 May 2011, Diagnosed 4 Aug 2011, OMS 15 Sept 2011, Gluten-Free 22 February 2012, Recovery declaration 2 September 2014, Relapse 14 October 2019, Recovery declared again 1 November 2020.
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