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Hello OMSers,

I notice that the threads on here are all about pregnancy and children. Did anyone decide to remain childless due to MS?

Children stress me out a bit, as does financial strain. I'm wondering whether living a life with minimal stress means (for me at least) not having kids.

I'm curious about this, but I understand of course it's a personal question.
Transverse Myelitis 2008; MS diagnosis July 2014 (relapsing-remitting); OMS July 2014.
Im 36 childless and been in a relationship for 6 years.
Like you I'm scared of what having a child might do.
Seeing my sisters sleepless nights ( she recently gave birth) makes me even more apprehensive.
Time is ticking and I know I have to decide soon.
Also scared of a possible attack after childbirth, as some people get an attack 3 months or so after birth.
My last attack 2 years ago left me with slight weakness on right hand side and I'd hate for a new attack to do something that doesn't get better.
However, having a child is something I've always wanted. I love being an aunt but it's not the same.

My partner has Aspergers so that's an added issue that makes me cautious especially if the child inherits this trade as its hard living with someone who's brain works so differently.

Don't know if your situation is as complex as mine, but I understand your concerns completely.

I'm on LDN which is fine during pregnancy. It helped get rid of my fatigue which is a huge relief.

It's a personal call. If I feel better in a year I may decide to go for it. I have to get off antidepressant first, being Prozac it's hard! But thanks to LDN Ive got that down to half.

All the best with your decision, it sucks not knowing what could be.
But be the best you can on OMS, care for your body and soul and maybe you will feel it's right to have a child.. Or not.
Adoption or fostering is an option down the track.
I don't have a dog in this fight, but being a parent to 2 of my own and being a step parent to 5 others, I really wouldn't have it any other way. I've enjoyed most of being a parent.

But the reality is, what do you feel about the whole thing?

As it comes down to not only the pregnancy, birth, followed by 18 years of direct care and the rest of your life caring but trying to not get under foot, plus the financial responsibilities, kids can be a boon or a burden. If you have kids in the family and all you want to do is fill them up with sugar, shake them and hand them back after 10 minutes, perhaps parenthood is not something you want to take on.

The financial side can bend your brain if times are tight, today I'm fixing the accident damage to the car my daughter drives, just a bumper and a couple of lights, but it's my car, on my insurance, even though she's 26, she couldn't afford as good / safe a car if she was paying for it herself. I do it because I want to keep her safe and as protected as if she was still living at home. But that's part of being a parent / step parent.

The joys of kids far outweigh the negatives for me, but that's me, others don't want or need that in their life, and how you feel or how you and your partner feel is what really counts IMO.
Be well, live long and prosper!
It's good to really consider it thoroughly as you are. Big decision.

I can say that if I had MS prior to having them I don't think it would have stopped me as I really wanted them.

I have an energetic 6 yo and a high functioning 4 yo with autism. Both benefit from my great way of living.

It's tiring lol. On my feet all the time. Relentless really! Sometimes I have to stop and have a sleep or lie down. But not often. So thankful for God and OMS! And of course, totally worth it. They can look after me if the MS took on a life of its own lol

Put it this way, I wouldn't let your diagnosis stop you. Other reasons but not MS.

Xx
Hi there OMSers,

It's been a while since I've been thinking about children, as I've been single for over a year now. But recently I've been discussing with a close friend the idea of going it alone with a sperm donor (something my friend is also considering).

Without going into the reasons as to why I would do it this way, are there many single parents on this forum? (Perhaps I ought to start a new thread on this.)

I need to research this idea more fully, including of course what support I would have in reality, costs of child rearing, speak to someone else who has gone through the process.

Of course, I need to factor in MS. I don't know anyone though who has done the process with MS. My MS is stable, but bearing in mind that a relapse is still possible, is having a child on my own, with this condition, a really terrible idea?
Transverse Myelitis 2008; MS diagnosis July 2014 (relapsing-remitting); OMS July 2014.
Hey Sabine

I have a friend who was single and went down the donated embryo route and now has a beautiful little boy.

Happy to put u in touch? She doesn't have MS but knows I do.

X
Hi Sabine

It is really interesting and very brave. I have a small child - got pregnant shortly after diagnosis. Though I do have a partner we live in a country where none of our families live nor we have many friends so are juggling things between us.
Would I go via the route of single motherhood? After what I have been through, no I would not. Would I if I had my close family living nearby? Probably yes.
My little girl as a baby was so demanding and unsettled, she was very rarely content and happy. I used to desparately wait for my partner to come home every evening to take her off me for little bit so I can take a shower. I often cried and suffered anxiety. There is also the emotional rollercoaster most women go though in first few weeks/months (and often post natal depression) that threw me big time. Saying that, the love you feel is so amazing it is hard to describe so I suppose there is loads of good and positive hormones flying all around your body.

I'd say it is a gamble. 100% worth it but gamble in a way you do not know how much sleep you are going to get, will your baby be calm or colicky? How will your own mind react?
Have you got lots of good friends and family around who would be able to help? If you do I'd say go for it. Not only you become a mother to a beautiful little miracle you should also see benefits health wise. Although post natal months are notorious for increased relapse rate amongst new mothers, pregnancy and breastfeeding periods should be relatively symptom free for most women.
Also the research shows that women who had children after MS onset were better off in terms of their MS course later in life. Must have something to do with the good hormones...

However you decide I wish you all the best and I will be more than happy to help you or give any advice you might look for.

Take care
Thank you so much for all this wonderful advice! And yes I agree that the experience certainly does differ from person to person. It's been great to have some different thoughts.

I've really spent a lot of time thinking about this one! I've spoken to friends who have kids, friends who don't. Singles, couples...and of course I also have nieces so that's given me a good glimpse into the world of parenting. I've chatted to some women who did IVF alone, listened to hours of a podcast presented by a married couple without kids ("Married without children"), read some blogs of people with MS who have kids, perused this forum (of course!), and journaled my thoughts along the way.

I think the conclusion I've come to, and hopefully will continue to think about, is that life is no better and no worse with or without them - just very different. (A wise bit of advice that my mum is always giving me!) At the moment I'm highly appreciative that I both have my nieces in my life (6 and 3 years of age), and also have peace and quiet when I need it (and uninterrupted sleep).

And interestingly, the healthier and happier I am, the more content I am with the things and people I already have in my life! Which in turn boosts my health with a positive mindset...

Thanks again all. :)
Transverse Myelitis 2008; MS diagnosis July 2014 (relapsing-remitting); OMS July 2014.
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