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and even if my symptoms get better and better each day and my life begins to resemble the one i had pre-diagnosis, ms has still won. it won in my head, it made me fearfull and refusing some opportunities because who knows what mischief would my body suddenly decide to engage in. which is not a very reasonable fear since my mris have shown no new or active lesions for 4 years and i feel better each day :|
As long as you live and breath you are fighting the battle for a better day today than yesterday, and a better tomorrow than today, so I don't see that it's won, it may have won the battle for your confidence and brain at the moment, but the fact that you can post that you can see it as a MS win, personally I feel you still have time to change that, and allow it to be a spur, to keep you moving forward, even though it may feel that you've hit the wall at this moment in time.

Even if the opportunities were one offs, they weren't the only time that opportunities occur, and with a better functionality of your body and mind, all it takes is a single step the next time opportunity knocks, to change the outcome of your future.

So don't give up or in to the fear and despondency, because both are a temporary occurrence, just a bump in the road we call life.

Many years ago, I was ready to go on holiday in Europe, travelling around by trains, from city to city and country to country, I had a friend see me off, (I think he suspected, that even with all the planning and preparation I had done, that I might not go through with it), I left and convinced myself to travel to London, then stay there if I wanted for the next 2 weeks, after a day in London, I chose to head for the English channel ports, because I could always stay there for the 2 weeks, then I chose to get on a ferry to France, because I could always stay on the French coast for 2 weeks, 8,700 miles later I had been to France, Monaco, Italy, Austria, East Germany, West Germany, France, Belgium, back to England and then home. The journey of a thousand, (or 8,700), miles begins with a single step, I went for the next 5 years and saw everything from Nord Cap in Scandinavia, down into North Africa, and from Portugal and the West of Spain, across to Greece, Turkey and the Balkan countries, each year I traveled between 8,000 and 10,000 miles, and experienced Europe in a way that only the adventurous ever get to visit, all because I got on the train to head to London.
Be well, live long and prosper!
I'm sorry you're going through this.
It's more than just a physical battle isn't it. It's a mind thing too, and so much more.
It's great that you're doing well physically. I would look at it as one down and one more to go..
Wish you good luck and wellness.
Well done for posting this message! It's not easy to admit to being 'down', especially in a setting like OMS where there is great determination all round to stay positive. But despite everyone in this forum being publicly upbeat most of the time I am absolutely certain you are not alone in feeling weighed down, even defeated, by your diagnosis.

The saying goes that a problem shared is a problem halved. So in submitting your post, you are already on the way to doing something about it.

It sounds to me as if you have done brilliantly well in managing the physical side of MS and now it is time to give your mind some attention too? The feeling you describe - of the MS having won and determining how you live your life - makes me think you may be suffering from depression? Depression is very common and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It does not need a 'reason'. In fact, the thought that 'I have nothing to be depressed about - I must pull myself together' is likely to make a depressed person feel even worse. A huge number of us will experience depression at some stage in our lives, and I believe the likelihood is even greater if you have MS.

I would really encourage you to go and see your doctor. He/she might be able to arrange for some some CBT - Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? As I understand it, this talking therapy helps you avoid and/or recognise and deal with negative thoughts and from everything I have heard, can really help. A prescription for anti-depressants is another possibility. There are also over-the-counter herbal remedies like St John's Wort which can be very effective for mild to moderate depression (not compatible with some prescription drugs so do read the package).

The most important thing is that you don't have to accept being browbeaten by the MS! You have done SO WELL to manage the physical side of things. You can do the same for you mind - don't give up!!!

Hope you will keep posting.
The Gut Microbiome is KEY to optimal health.
The OMS site & forum are brilliant! Thanks, everyone! :D
St Johns Wort is a bad herbal approach if you have MS, read years ago it could make things worse ms wise. I would research that stuff before taking anything. (To check I recalled correctly)
CBT is a good idea as it has no addictive profile unlike drugs.
There is an Australian website called mood gym where you can follow your own course and chart progress what you do.
I agree with veg, I am wary of St. John's wart.
As someone who has suffered depression for over 20 years I just wanted to say I know.
And I understand completely. And you are not alone.

I was prescribed a form of Prozac when I was just 15 and got stuck on it until I was finally able to wean off to half the dose last year.
It's highly addictive so if you choose to take antidepressants there are newer and better ones available now, so check if you choose this path.
The reason I was able to wean to half was all thanks to LDN (LDN releases endorphins) and I will continue to wean off Prozac with its help.
LDN is what I choose to be on for my depression as it was better than Prozac ever was.

However I recently has a course of steriods from an m.s attack and as LDN is a immune system simulator and steriods is a suppressor I found that the LDN got dominated and is only now after 17 days can I feel it's benefits slowly returning again.

I'm going to a councillor / therapist soon to help find a better way to exist.
Thinking of you hunny.
i apologize for not responding to your kind answers sooner. in the end i did take that oportunity i was talking about and it was an interesting professional experience.
@Jette: happilly i am not depressed, as i know all too well its ugly face (my cousin battled it for a long time).
i am however on treatment for anxiety, in the beginning i had cbt combined with meds and now only the meds at a fairly low dosage. the plan is i will wean myself off them, following the doctor's advice of course :)
again, thank you all for your replies. it feels so good when you are amid others that truly understand what you are going through.
love and light,
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